Chapter A : Death at Home.

Chapter A : Death at Home.

Di sebuah rumah di distrik London, tinggallah sepasang suami istri muda, Mr. dan Mrs. Butterham. Mereka sudah lama bertempat tinggal disana, hampir 5 tahun lamanya, hidup bersama di distrik London yang terkenal cukup senyap karena jauh dari area perkotaan. Mereka saling mencintai, hal itu tak di ragukan lagi jika melihat keharmonisan rumah tangga mereka, bahkan tetangga-tetangga mereka yang tidak menyukai keromantisan yang mereka pertontonkan di depan umum hanya bisa menatap mereka dengan penuh rasa kesal dan cemburu.

Ramblings

Here I am again, writing down what hasn't been written. People say you always create your own history. Some believed it, but some do not, For me, history can only be made if you have the will to do so, you cannot create anything while sitting on your ass. You have to move, develop into something greater, evolve.

I am here to create my own history, to become my ownself, to be better than today.

To be honest, thinking all of this makes me a bit miss. Yes, I miss her so much. I have always did what I can to reach her, but the more I reach, the further she os. Maybe, we are not meant to be. All I ever hoped and dreamed of, maybe is just some delusional fairytale that is lost and long gone in the mist, taken away by something called separation.

Honesty, separation ia what I do not intend to do. I gave myself a promise that something I would fond her and love her one last time. But, will she love me back? Will the heart be persuaded by something called effort?

The history of my life, until now, has been with her. She is something special that no other person can replace. I miss the past, very well miss it. And I refuse to believe that the past should be forgotten, because what if the place you want to be in is in the past? I refuse to believe that saying, those words, I think are made by people who doesn't want to remember.

Because to face the past is to endure long time sickness. Whether it is heart broken, or problems from the past that you aren't willing to repeat.

But, willing or not we should all fave the truth of the present; she is long gone, memories we made are gone, a new heart may so be .... Struck her. I don't know. I've been in this terrifying situation. I've been heart broken, but am I ready for another one?

Half of me said I can, but the other half whispers, "you are better off dead."

It's like what john legend said in his lyrics, "cause all of me, loves all of you," ever felt this? Loving all of her flaws, forgotten all of her mistakes which once desolate you?
Yet again, I am unable to grasp the full understanding of how love works. There is no procedure. One day, I am just a regular friend, by the next day roses bloom in my heart. Is it that simple, to metamorphosize something ordinary into something special? But, it's funny how it works, none can predict when or how they would fall in love.

Today, I miss you....

Internship, 2nd week

Today marks the second week of my internship in Nalco. Well, this far I enjoy working there. The work space is quite calm and the supervisors are truly kind and easy going. Maybe it’s true what people say, it all depends on your working environment.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Nalco adapts a rolling system for it’s intern, which means in every two weeks I will be rolled and will be working in another division. For instants, in the first to weeks I will work in QC division, by the next two weeks, I will be rolled and start working at Analytical support division, then making reagent division.

Pak Iwan, is the one holding the head of laboratory position. I think he is kind and very caring, but we never talk a lot. The one time talk about is when I have trouble in setting the BOD system, he gave me a satisfying answer which I could understand. I never saw him saying farewell to his underlings when going home. A lack of communication, I guess. But, every people are with flaw, no one is perfect.

The assistant, Mas Rama Hakim, is my mentor and boss for two weeks. The first time I met him, I thought he is a man without a smile, but I was totally wrong. He is awesome! the best mentor I had until now. He always gives me and Haidar something to do, almost never sparing us time to lay on our ass, giving us many samples to analyze, many jobs to do, even though it’s pain in the ass and exhausting as hell. But, like he said, better to work hard than do nothing at all. 

Next is Mas Verly. Yeah, he is the only employee who is yet to get married. You can say he is the only guy who is single there, excluding me. He attends collage and work at the same time, spending his work days in Nalco and his weekends in Pakuan university. He is the one in charge of making reagents. Just today he asked me how to make sulfuric acid 2N and how to standardize it. He also asked me what indicator should I use. Damn! Everything I learnt in school suddenly washed away without a trace. Well, I answer the best I could, as I doubted my answer. He simple said, “Just try it, there is nothing wrong in doing so. We have all the reagents you need. Remember, no amount of reagents is too much for learning something new.”

Immediately I thought to myself, “Damn, it reminds me of PKT. Damn! I’ve been in this kind of situation … Damn! This is a quiz!” But I did something any analyst would do in times of tension; I stayed calm and did what I though was right. And Bam! I was right! My method of analysis is correct. Damn it feels good to be right!  

Oh yeah, for your information, many people doesn’t know that the Nalco company I work for has been bought by Ecolab. They bought the whole damn share. The system and every top boss are replaced. The Employees who work there also feel the change, like wind that touches the meadow-what the hell does this have to do with what I’m discussing about.

I had many fun experiences, even if it’s only been two weeks. Other than my friend, Haidar Alfan, which of course attends the same school as mine, there are also two intern from Yogyakarta. I don’t really understand why they want to have their internship all away from home, if I were them I would pick something much closer to home. I bet they are really homesick right now, missing their beloved ones back home.

It’s okay bro, I understand the feeling hahaha.

Although it’s only been a while, I always think this internship would end soon. And as soon as this ends, the closer I am to my graduation day-the moment every living person in SMAKBo dreams of- because to graduate from a school as hard and tough as this one, is truly an achievement beyond anything people could imagine, even beyond from graduating from Harvard or Oxford. Okay, that was to much. But really, graduating from SMAKBo means you have done the impossible, done something people believe cannot be done-okay this is exaggerating as well.

Everyday, I have to ride from Bogor to Citeureup, where the road is never free from traffic-this is what I hate the most from Bogor, never ending traffic- where it would take you more than an hour just to exit the city limits.

Shit, it’s frustrating as hell.

I miss school days and school activities, which is much simpler than this. I do miss them. Now I regret not spending much time at school. This new routine is killing me everyday-waking up at 5 o’clock, departure at exactly 6 because if your only five minutes late the traffic would kill you, working samples hours by hours, coming home at 7, tucking myself to bed at 11 or 12.

Really … it’s killing me.

But I should endure this much. Remember, what kills you only makes you stronger, right? Well, I hope that’s something true because I don’t feel it, instead I’m getting sicker and weaker everyday. I still have many months ahead, and tons of sample waiting for me to touch and arouse them-what the hell.

Kepingan cerita : Maldeva

"Kamu tahu, apa makna dari takut?" Aku masih ingat pertanyaan itu, yang mendadak kau angkat saat kau dan aku duduk berdua di bawah bayangan pohon cemara, basahnya rumput terasa di jemariku.

"Tidak tahu," aku menjawab. Kau tersenyum dan menatap mataku. Melihatmu, aku tak perlu memikirkan jawabannya, karena selama ada kamu, aku tak kan merasakan takut.

Maldeva hanya menatapku selama beberapa detik yang panjang, lalu tersenyum sambil berkata, "Kehilangan orang yang selama ini kau cintai, itulah makna takut. Takut adalah menghindari kenyataan pahit yang menimpamu, meakukan apapun agar menghindar dari kenyataan pahit itu."

Aku mengerutkan alis, tak mengerti kemana arah tujuan pembicaraan ini. Tapi, melihat sinar matanya sedikit padam, aku mengerti apa yang akan terjadi selanjutnya.

"Kurasa ... Kita harus berpisah," kata Maldeva, mengagetkanku. "

Kepingan cerita : Putri (2)

Bila hidup mengajarkanku sesuatu, yaitu aku tak boleh meremehkan apa yang Tuhan berikan padaku. Namun, harus selalu kuingat bahwa semua yang ada akan kembali lagi padaNya.

Putri sampai sekarang tak mengerti mengapa semuanya berlalu begitu cepat, seperti alir angin yang berhembus singkat. Berdiri bersamaku, Putri mengacungkan jarinya, menempatkannya pada bibirku. "Tak usah berkata apa-apa. Seandainya kamu memang memiliki perasaan terhadapku, lebih baik tak usah kau ungkapkan sebelum kau betul-betul yakin. Dunia ini suatu saat akan berhenti berputar, tapi aku harap kau tak kan pernah berhenti mencintaiku."

Aku terbisu oleh tatapan matanya yang sayu, lidahku mendadak kelu. Aku pingin bertanya apakah dia memang memiliki perasaan yang sama terhadapku. Apakah dia mencintaiku kembali. Tapi ... Entah kenapa aku tak mampu.

"Jika hatimu itu memang diperuntukkan untuk aku, maka aku tak perlu khawatir. Karena ... Aku percaya, hati yang ditakdirkan untuk bersatu akan selalu menemukan jalan pulangnya, walau sudah menempuh jarak jauh sekalipun." Putri berkata. "Jika memang kita ditakdirkan untuk bersama, kita pasti menemukan jalan untuk kembali pada pelukkan masing-masing. Tapi, kau harus berjanji padaku, bahwa kau tak akan menyumpah benci jika takdir yang tertulis untuk kita berbeda dari harapanmu."

Kepalaku mengangguk tanpa sadar, menjanjikan sesuatu yang sesungguhnya tak bisa kupegang.

"Bagus," kata Putri. "Harapan yang belum pasti sebaiknya jangan terlalu di pegang, aku pernah merasakan bagaimana remuknya hatiku saat menemukan masa depanku begitu berbeda."

Namun, aku tak setuju denganmu, Putri. Bila kau berhenti tuk berharap, maka apa yang sebenarnya ingin kau gapai di dunia ini. Biarlah sebuah harapan tumbuh mekar dalam hatimu, agar kau selalu tahu bahwa kau berjuang untuk sesuatu, mempunyai alasan agar kau tak kan berhenti berusaha. Aku tak punya keberanian tuk mengatakan kata-kata itu. Karena aku merasa ... Kau yang lebih tahu soal harapan ... tahu bagaimana sakitnya sebuah harapan itu ketimbang diriku.

"Mau aku beritahu sesuatu?" Putri tiba-tiba bertanya, matanya menatap tepat bola mataku. Aku pun mengangguk kikuk. "Apa kau tahu alasan mengapa langit sering menangis?"

"Tidak ... Aku tidak tahu." Kataku seadanya.

Putri tersenyum simpul saat berkata, "Karena langit selalu merasa sendirian, ia pernah berharap ingin seperti rembulan yang bersinar ditemani bintang-bintang. Pernah berharap menjadi sungai yang mengikuti arus tenang yang menjadi sumber kehidupan. Pernah berharap ingin menjadi bunga mawar yang mengeluarkan harum romansa yang menyatukan adam dan hawa. Pernah berharap menjadi alasan atas tersenyumnya orang-orang di bumi. Maka langit menangis karena ia tak mungkin bisa seperti apa yang ia inginkan. Jika air matanya jatuh mengenai kita, kita pun akan mencercanya, membencinya, yang semakin membuat langit menangis. Tapi ... Langit tak pernah meninggalkan kita. Ia selalu di atas sana, berusaha melindungi kita biar pun kita menganggapnya remeh. Pada kenyataannya, jika tak ada langit, maka segala sesuatu yang kita lihat saat ini, tak mungkin ada."

Aku terdiam. Tak mengerti alasan mengapa Putri tiba-tiba mengatakan demikian. Ketika aku bertanya, dia pun menjawabku dengan senyuman sedih.

"Aku ingin kau seperti langit, yang tak akan meninggalkan aku meski aku membencimu. Aku ingin kau seperti langit, yang rela berkorban apapun demi mempertahankan senyum di wajahku," kata Putri lirih. "Aku ingin kau seperti langit, yang akan selalu menemaniku di saat aku merasa tersia-siakan..."